Sat here with a McMeal,
I hear you ask “what’s the deal?”
I’ll set the scene to how I arrived,
Including the 2 weeks prior I’ve survived.
The El food 5-2 diet has started,
A stone I decided I needed to part with.
I love a curry a beer a kebab,
Naturally we started a junk food rehab.
Buoyed by week ones 5 lb loss, Great,
Not to mention the 7 by my mate.
I won’t do 5 again as we enter week 2,
Maybe 4 or 3 but more than a few.
The week drags on with some difficult days in,
All the time my mind on the weigh in.
Saturday night before weigh in comes a social affair,
I must go to the Indian and resist my favourite foods there.
So I eat just meat with salad to respect the 5:2,
All the time craving a nice Vindaloo.
No sauce for me just a plate of Tandoori,
Playing it safe in my week 2 story.
Sunday 10 am I step on the scale,
Here my friends I document my bodies betrayal.
Not 5, 4 or 3 lb not even 2,
Just 1.5 is all I have for you.
I spent the week robbing myself of treats,
Sat in the Indian, eat just fucking meat.
Where did it get me? Less than 2 lb,
That sort of loss won’t make me less round.
So readers that’s how I became to be,
Writing to you and eating Maccie.
1160 calories piling it in,
Grease and tomato sauce on my chin.
So fuck you body with your 1.5 lb loss,
If you don’t care about me then I don’t give a toss.
Week 3 beckons and ill get back on track,
But for now I’ll sit back devouring my high calorie snack.
Double cheeseburger, McChicken sandwich and a medium fries,
That’s what I settled on to for satisfaction guys.
Will regret it later you say,
Maybe I will but for now body today is MY day.
Fuck You Five Two