I am the Lord Of The Scales Said He!

Week one done. And what a week its been.

As the week starts with a Monday lunch beer down the Abel, its clear the El Food Brothers were taking this serious, as we only had a half.

Savouring each mouthful we muse on the week ahead. Full of our usual bravado, theres clearly an air of trepidation, even a tinge of sadness. We know this week is not going to be like any other.

In a week consisting of over 100 cups of tea and coffee (black), 27 eggs(scrambled, poached, fried, even omelettes) and not a lot else, it seems an eternity since the Monday beer. We have managed to stick to the diet without fail though, our regular 2 pints has become 2 cups of coffee at Ziferblat.

Even our none fasting day becomes soup, toast and a slice of cake. As we spend another lunch musing on the diet, but this time over a coffee, we are changed men. I suggest that I may become a Vegan by the end of it, if it wasn’t for the eggs. El Food Two even said he might have a wine when we are finally back on the booze.

We may be losing weight, but I fear that we might be losing a piece of ourselves. What will week 2 bring?

Shitting Stats and Sweating Facts

12 lbs Lost

27 Eggs

77 cups of coffee

20 cups of tea

4 slices of toast (white for pudding, brown for main)

One pretzel

Behind the scenes

Take a deeper look into the El Food Brothers weeks from their point of view:

El Food One

I started the week dreading the events that might unfold. Its safe to say, of the two brothers, I’m the one who has the most to lose. Not just weight, but also soul. I’m a food lover, I find the smell of warm cardboard arousing, because it reminds me of takeaway pizza. I’m a legend for the time I bought a pizza so large it could not fit in the taxi, and it came with chips and a coke (that I haggled for).

I clutched on to eggs early on. Dismissing claims of being ‘egg bound’ as bullshit. I can safely say from a week of eating at least one egg a day, often 3 and even one day I managed 5. My shits have been regular, if anything a little too regular, but that seems to pass.

I made an early decision to cut milk completely out of the diet as well, at least in its base form. On fast days you need to fill up on water, tea, coffee anything without calories. You can’t go adding milk as you feel like it. After a week of drinking nothing but black tea and coffee, I can conclusively state. Milk is bullshit.

Acting as a mini support group for each other, the El Food Brothers seem stronger than ever. We may actually be a little too close now. Our regular FA (Fasters Anonymous) meetings down the Zibs’ are now a part of life. This is one thing we will not be giving up after the month.

Theres been some dark times. An early lapse of having one pretzel at Ziferblat and being told its 30 calories by El Food Two (he uses My Fitness pal, I call him a ‘logger’) leaves me questioning my very self. I find Wednesday the hardest day. This follows our first day of fasting, and I think my body, in particular my arse, were reacting to things negatively, and often violently. I’m happy to report by the end of the week things seem to have got back to normal, and I’m even turning into one of these people who say they feel better after a week on a diet.

El Food Two

I’d left space here for a paragraph or two from El Food Two, but I think the diet has got to him, and he’s pumped out over 3 pages of his week one diary. Theres a link at the end of this post.

Best Meal of the week

Discovering that you can ‘play the game’, cutting out certain things allows for creative meals even on fasting days. Pulling off bacon and eggs on muffins for my tea was a stroke of genius that Kayne West would be proud of.

Worst Meal of the week

The pretzel at Ziferblat, its a mistake I am happy to report I have not repeated.

Keep Watching the Socials for Week two

Will El Food One, having received a package from Amazon, be reminded of pizza and crack?

Will El Food Two, having started to discuss wine, end up on 2 bottles a night?